Happy Birthday Riley

Dear  Riley,
At 3:20 PM today I cried. I hugged your Daddy and I didn't even attempt to contain the emotion I was feeling at the fact that we had survived and thrived during what was a tumultuous but rewarding last year with you in our lives. And I hugged you and thought about everything that you have learned in the last year and everything you have taught us in the last year- about true, unconditional, unwavering love, and how to make someone feel as though they won the lottery just by looking at them. You are the most stubborn force that I have encountered, and perhaps there are times that you aggravate me because there is so much of you in me. You might look like your Daddy, but you act like your Momma.
I am in awe of you, my dear. Of your determination, and your stubbornness, and your explorations that never cease, and your inventiveness, and your huge smile and the way that you reach for me that could launch a thousand ships. Your little half laugh, your obsessive personality when it comes to pacifiers, your ability to turn a day 180 degrees in one direction or the other. I love you for all those things and three hundred million more reasons that I haven't yet discovered. I can't wait to explore the next year of the world with you.
I love you, even more now than I did a year ago,
Momma

363 Days Old

Dear Riley,

As of today you are officially 363 days old, and you have managed to pack more into the last 363 days than most people do in an entire lifetime, I think. Your climbing skills have become somewhat of a nuisance lately, as there is nothing you are convinced you would be unable to climb up, so you have done it. The couch, the metal shelf, the plastic gate keeping you away from the tv, the toy chest, the bath tub, the fridge- been there done that, and have the shirt to prove it! Your curiosity expands daily, along with your need to know/see/taste/touch everything around you. We could do without the taste thing, as Daddy keeps reminding you that some things just aren't delicious (read: outlets, blackberrys, cell phones, dirty diapers, clean diapers, balloons, the list could be endless). I wish that we had someway of convincing you to keep a hat on, alas any and all attempts to this point have been met with your stubbornness that pulls it off your head in .001 seconds after we have put it on your head. Such is life with a 363 day old, huh?
Love you, as much as you love Nilla Wafers,
Momma

Climbing In The Fridge

Dear Riley,
This would be your newest trick- after weeks and weeks of playing in the fridge, you have finally figured out that it was within your grasp to simply SCALE the fridge. I let you play in it while I was loading the dishwasher, looked away, looked back and there you were. Looking at me like I was the stupid one for not climbing right up there with you. Daddy put it best when he said this was not something they warned us about in our expectant parenting class.
We have created a monster. You are no longer content to be contained while shopping in stores- you want to be down and walk around and explore and pull things off of shelves and show every employee in the store the reign of terror you have can bring down, even though you don't weigh more than 21 lbs. Today we let you play with one of your birthday presents in the store to see if you liked it (you did!) and then you refused to be restrained for any longer. I love how funny you are in new places-shrieking for the whole world to hear. It's HILARIOUS.
A year ago tomorrow was supposed to be your 2nd attempted birthday. Dada and I had a good laugh tonight about the 2 weeks between the first time you were supposed to be born and the day you finally actually decided to make your grand entrance. Should have known then what we were getting into.
Love you...as big as the smiled on your face when you climbed in the fridge,
Momma

Sunsation-al Weekend/Not Me Monday

Dear Riley,
you are a pistol. A little pistol. It was definitely NOT you this weekend who spent 40 minutes wandering all over the ops office at Copper, finding an ethernet cord and discovering the hole was big enough to fit over your not so little head. It has to have been some other small child who discovered puddles for the first time at Sunsation- soaking your baby blue fleece plants with water and mud. We definitely didn't let you take ice out of our empty cocktail glasses and eat it. You also definitely did NOT fall asleep in your highchair for the THIRD time in the last three weeks. And I also did not leave you there because you were a mess and removing from said highchair would have caused you to wake up, so there you stayed. You also have not developed a fascination/obsession with the trash can, so much so that Daddy and I are seriously considering buying a stainless steel locking can just to keep your little hands off the wine bottle that you keep mistaking for a teething toy.
Love you, as big as the big white bucket that you kept putting things in today and couldn't get them back out of,
Momma
(oh and you are know saying mama consistently...thank you;-D))

54 Weeks Ago

Dear Riley,
You know, everybody is so excited for your 1st birthday. And while I totally agree, and am equally excited, I am also excited at the prospect of the fact that Daddy and I have survived, thrived and will most of all celebrate your first year of life with you in two weeks.
We talked last night about how tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of your supposed-to-be first birthday. They tried to force your hand and make you show your little face, and there was no way-no how-no freaking way in hell were you going to show up that day. There were anxious family visits to the hospital that night, text messages overflowing my inbox, and the only way that I managed to get any sleep at all was the Ambien they gave me that made me feel like I was drunk for the first time in, oh, 37 weeks. The only thing we got out of that hospital stay was a huge bruise on my arm from a rookie nurse who couldn't get the IV in the first 2 times she tried, and a Daddy whom it took 1/2 a bottle of gin before he could begin to think about calming down. There was no Riley. Two weeks later, after enough "you haven't had that baby yet" , and "get your sleep while you can", and "go see a movie now!" to fill up my seemingly still expanding stomach, a week in Denver, and the most intense 12 hours of my life, you finally appeared with a glare on your face that spoke to the feelings you had regarding your exit from the warm dark place you had previously resided. I don't think Daddy and I thought we were going to survive the first few weeks- here was this creature, who cried at random times, ate at random times, and slept more often than not. We were warm bodies who held the bottle for you, slaves to do your bidding, even when it included things you hated, like getting your diaper changed. You and I slept together on the futon when Daddy went back to work, and the roofers who were at the time redoing our roof never even seemed to bother you. People would glance knowingly at us when we took you out in public, as if they knew the contents of the car seat we carried had just turned our entire world upside down without even blinking an eye. And now, all of a sudden, you are this toddler, who is learning to manipulate, to get what you want, to play in the fridge, to eat new things, to fall asleep wherever you are, including your highchair before and after eating your dinner. And while two weeks from tommorow I will no doubt be a blubbering wreck who cannot believe that you have been a part of our lives for a year, I will also take a moment to stop and reflect on the person you have made me become- a more sensitive, but sometimes exasperated, caring, but firm, laid back, but anxious, happy, content wife, mother, person. And your Daddy- who puts up a tough front but melted into a goopy puddly mess at the sight of you for the first 2 weeks after you were born, who still looks at you and says oh you are the most perfect little thing, you have turned him into a better man- a better person- and the most awesome Daddy that a girl could ever ask for.
Love you as much as you love your pancakes in the morning,
Momma

Twelve Months of Riley- May

Dear Riley,
Three weeks from today our house and hearts will be flooded with love and family and friends who are all here to join us in celebrating you- ornery, stubborn, loud, adorable, amazing, fascinating, don't drink too deeply or you might get drunk on her awesomeness- you. I can't tell you the number of times Daddy and in the last week have said to each other, how can it be a year already? You have packed enough terrorizing and exploring and climbing and eating and smiles into the last 11 months and 1 week to fill up six years.
Last May was an adventure for us. I will never forget Daddy carrying you in the car seat from the hospital to the car where he commented, "I feel like I'm carrying a dripping trash bag." We carted you to the Ronald McDonald House, where we had to collect all of the rest of our belongings that were left when we rushed to the hospital at 330 AM the Thursday before. You never even opened your eyes, little girl. Not once. We started up the hill and soon we were greeted by a blaring "Go shawty, it's your birfday" from the speakers at the house where Scott and Dave were anxiously awaiting your arrival. I laughed so hard I was crying. We moved from our house at Belford into our condo, and everything was in a pile on the floor and you slept in your bouncy seat because we didn't have a crib yet, but not a damn thing mattered because we, our family, was in OUR house and you were with us. I'm not sure Daddy was convinced that I was going to survive after the first week...having a new life around really messes with a momma's hormones. We ate out a lot and stumbled through the first few weeks, but damnit kid those were the happiest few weeks of our lives. All because of you. Who knew that 7 lbs 12 oz of a little girl who didn't know how to do anything except eat and sleep could cause a serious case of permagrin? Everytime I looked at you I felt like I cried. I always sometimes do still.
You have brought us through the most exhausting, exhilarating, adventurous year of our lives kid. Your stubborness I admire (although Daddy would argue that I am as stubborn as you if not more so), your easy going and carefreeness everyone around us covets.
I love you as much as you love Elmo, (and that is A LOT!)
Momma

Not Me/My Child Monday

Dear Riley,

You discovered the fridge this week...and there is NO way that I would ever let you dig in there until you find something to tote around the kitchen with you. I also did not look away from the fridge for a second and turn back to find you digging into Daddy's Ready to Serve sausages while sitting quietly on the floor. NOT ME, for sure. I also have definitely not stopped giving you pancakes in the morning in your highchair and just let you wander amongst your toys while eating them. NEVER. I have also never forgotten to close the bathroom door so that you don't wander into the bathroom and stick your hand in the toilet bowl. Not me! Nor did I keep watching Sesame Street after you fell asleep during your nap and crack up at the adult jokes that they make. Not your Momma! Nor did I turn into a goopy puddle mess on Friday when Daddy left for the weekend to go to Uncle Juan's bachelor party. I also did NOT scoop you up from the pack and play at Grandma Sharon's house when you cried at 3 AM on Saturday night and just cuddle with you until 5. I wouldn't ruin our sleep training like that. (PS- it's not ruined.) I would NOT go the teensiest bit overboard on your Easter basket...NOT ME!
love you almost as much as you loved your elmo basket,
Momma