54 Weeks Ago

Dear Riley,
You know, everybody is so excited for your 1st birthday. And while I totally agree, and am equally excited, I am also excited at the prospect of the fact that Daddy and I have survived, thrived and will most of all celebrate your first year of life with you in two weeks.
We talked last night about how tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of your supposed-to-be first birthday. They tried to force your hand and make you show your little face, and there was no way-no how-no freaking way in hell were you going to show up that day. There were anxious family visits to the hospital that night, text messages overflowing my inbox, and the only way that I managed to get any sleep at all was the Ambien they gave me that made me feel like I was drunk for the first time in, oh, 37 weeks. The only thing we got out of that hospital stay was a huge bruise on my arm from a rookie nurse who couldn't get the IV in the first 2 times she tried, and a Daddy whom it took 1/2 a bottle of gin before he could begin to think about calming down. There was no Riley. Two weeks later, after enough "you haven't had that baby yet" , and "get your sleep while you can", and "go see a movie now!" to fill up my seemingly still expanding stomach, a week in Denver, and the most intense 12 hours of my life, you finally appeared with a glare on your face that spoke to the feelings you had regarding your exit from the warm dark place you had previously resided. I don't think Daddy and I thought we were going to survive the first few weeks- here was this creature, who cried at random times, ate at random times, and slept more often than not. We were warm bodies who held the bottle for you, slaves to do your bidding, even when it included things you hated, like getting your diaper changed. You and I slept together on the futon when Daddy went back to work, and the roofers who were at the time redoing our roof never even seemed to bother you. People would glance knowingly at us when we took you out in public, as if they knew the contents of the car seat we carried had just turned our entire world upside down without even blinking an eye. And now, all of a sudden, you are this toddler, who is learning to manipulate, to get what you want, to play in the fridge, to eat new things, to fall asleep wherever you are, including your highchair before and after eating your dinner. And while two weeks from tommorow I will no doubt be a blubbering wreck who cannot believe that you have been a part of our lives for a year, I will also take a moment to stop and reflect on the person you have made me become- a more sensitive, but sometimes exasperated, caring, but firm, laid back, but anxious, happy, content wife, mother, person. And your Daddy- who puts up a tough front but melted into a goopy puddly mess at the sight of you for the first 2 weeks after you were born, who still looks at you and says oh you are the most perfect little thing, you have turned him into a better man- a better person- and the most awesome Daddy that a girl could ever ask for.
Love you as much as you love your pancakes in the morning,
Momma

Twelve Months of Riley- May

Dear Riley,
Three weeks from today our house and hearts will be flooded with love and family and friends who are all here to join us in celebrating you- ornery, stubborn, loud, adorable, amazing, fascinating, don't drink too deeply or you might get drunk on her awesomeness- you. I can't tell you the number of times Daddy and in the last week have said to each other, how can it be a year already? You have packed enough terrorizing and exploring and climbing and eating and smiles into the last 11 months and 1 week to fill up six years.
Last May was an adventure for us. I will never forget Daddy carrying you in the car seat from the hospital to the car where he commented, "I feel like I'm carrying a dripping trash bag." We carted you to the Ronald McDonald House, where we had to collect all of the rest of our belongings that were left when we rushed to the hospital at 330 AM the Thursday before. You never even opened your eyes, little girl. Not once. We started up the hill and soon we were greeted by a blaring "Go shawty, it's your birfday" from the speakers at the house where Scott and Dave were anxiously awaiting your arrival. I laughed so hard I was crying. We moved from our house at Belford into our condo, and everything was in a pile on the floor and you slept in your bouncy seat because we didn't have a crib yet, but not a damn thing mattered because we, our family, was in OUR house and you were with us. I'm not sure Daddy was convinced that I was going to survive after the first week...having a new life around really messes with a momma's hormones. We ate out a lot and stumbled through the first few weeks, but damnit kid those were the happiest few weeks of our lives. All because of you. Who knew that 7 lbs 12 oz of a little girl who didn't know how to do anything except eat and sleep could cause a serious case of permagrin? Everytime I looked at you I felt like I cried. I always sometimes do still.
You have brought us through the most exhausting, exhilarating, adventurous year of our lives kid. Your stubborness I admire (although Daddy would argue that I am as stubborn as you if not more so), your easy going and carefreeness everyone around us covets.
I love you as much as you love Elmo, (and that is A LOT!)
Momma

Not Me/My Child Monday

Dear Riley,

You discovered the fridge this week...and there is NO way that I would ever let you dig in there until you find something to tote around the kitchen with you. I also did not look away from the fridge for a second and turn back to find you digging into Daddy's Ready to Serve sausages while sitting quietly on the floor. NOT ME, for sure. I also have definitely not stopped giving you pancakes in the morning in your highchair and just let you wander amongst your toys while eating them. NEVER. I have also never forgotten to close the bathroom door so that you don't wander into the bathroom and stick your hand in the toilet bowl. Not me! Nor did I keep watching Sesame Street after you fell asleep during your nap and crack up at the adult jokes that they make. Not your Momma! Nor did I turn into a goopy puddle mess on Friday when Daddy left for the weekend to go to Uncle Juan's bachelor party. I also did NOT scoop you up from the pack and play at Grandma Sharon's house when you cried at 3 AM on Saturday night and just cuddle with you until 5. I wouldn't ruin our sleep training like that. (PS- it's not ruined.) I would NOT go the teensiest bit overboard on your Easter basket...NOT ME!
love you almost as much as you loved your elmo basket,
Momma

11 Months

Dear Riley,
You are gradually coming up to the anniversary of a day that changed the lives of your Momma and Daddy, and everyone you have ever come into contact with. There have been days and moments in the last week or so that I have looked at you and all of a sudden you become a blur because of the water that has filled up my eyes. A whole year kiddo, and we're all still speaking to each other, and we're all still madly in love with you. Perhaps its your stunning personality, or you infectious smile, but whatever it is, you are oozing with it.
You are starting to discover pairs- things that are alike. Today you spent twenty minutes pillaging your toy basket looking for each of your rubber blocks, and when you found one, you pulled it from the jaws of the toy basket and toddled it over to the couch, where it was waiting to meet one of its other nine friends. You only managed to pull out seven of the ten blocks, but I think the other three may have escaped you by being in the duck, or hiding behind the gate.
You have also learned the wonders there are to behold in the fridge! Oh man, could you have a hayday in there. Yesterday, I had it open for awhile and in the three seconds that I had my back turned, you had rescued a can of pears from the bottom shelf. You proceeded to carry the pears back to the living room with you, where you sat on the couch and watched Elmo with them, and stacked them up with your blocks. Normalcy is not a prominent factor in your DNA, kiddo.
Your birthday invitations came today...let the month of party planning begin!!!
Love you, as big as the can of pears you are now attached to,
Momma

Stubborn, Stubborn, Stubborn

Dear Riley,
Today I got a glimpse into the world of how stubborn you truly are. For awhile, I called you persistent, but I have now realized that was being too nice in diagnosing one of the more drive-me-crazy endearing parts of your personality. With your walking becoming your only mode of transportation and your sudden realization of the fact that there is more to our little condo than you once knew was explorable by yourself, you are less content to stay confined to the living room. Our best efforts to confine you include some PVC piping and cute material, and it as existed and served its purpose for so long that you have now outsmarted it. We used to just be able to close the door and you wouldn't touch it, but no, little smarty pants, you have now realized that with a little pushing and shoving, you can make your way outta there and move on to better and bigger things. (Sidenote- pancakes from your morning breakfast that were hiding in your highchair are NOT bigger and better things)I'm still not used to little feet pitter pattering into the kitchen and you going after the cabinets. Daddy finally finished baby proofing them, so we have finally outsmarted you in one aspect of the house. Today, you only wanted to play with my phone. When I told you NO and wouldn't give it to you, offered your beloved froggy to me, and then reached for my phone. You did this probably 34 times today, even though you got the same response each time. Despite our finally outsmarting you in the kitchen cabinet area, you continue to try to open them every time you pitterpatter into the kitchen. I admire your stubbornness, and as crazy as it drives me now, I cross my fingers that you don't lose that quality as you get older and the obstacles are much bigger than trying to open a kitchen cabinet.
I love you kid. I just do.
Momma

Almost a Year

Dear Riley,
Do you know that you are almost a year old? And while I will wait the 37 days to full gush over how incredible you have made the last year of our lives, I have began thinking about all the things that happened last year leading up to your very first birthday. There were so many emotions, ups and downs, and excitement, and what finally happened after waiting what seemed like forever for you to decide to come out. I just was perusing facebook and found the Ronald McDonald House homepages and am sitting here crying while I watch you sleep. A whole year kiddo. A year in which you learned to eat real food, and crawl, and sit up, and walk, how get our attention, and sleep through the night, and how to like the bath, and who we are in the grand scheme of things. I love you baby girl!
Your latest obsession is finding random things in the house that you then become obsessed with- like a shoe. When we were visiting Grandma Sally and Grandpa Doug, you found Grandpa's shoe and walked all over the house with it for 20 minutes. You have continued to do that- whether its your shoe, or mine, or your Finding Nemo bowl, or a marker, or a bottle of lotion- it becomes yours the second you pick it up.
I can't wait to see what you have in store for us in the coming weeks kiddo. I ordered your birthday invitations yesterday and CANNOT believe you are almost 1.
Love you, as big as your screams this morning for some reason unbeknown st to me,
Momma

Dadadada

Dear Riley,
Have I told you about your Daddy? You are a Daddy’s girl, little lady, and it shows in everything you do. Your entire body smiles when he walks in the door from work and you demand to be picked up at that very instant. If he refuses such requests, he is met with your angry voice, until he can’t take it anymore and comes to rescue you from your gated-in play area. There are times when he sees you and his only reaction is “Oh, you are so beautiful” to which you respond with one of your trillion billion dollar smiles and then throw your arms around his neck and give him a hug. In those moments, I’m never sure whose face is shining brighter, yours, or your Daddy’s. While you are mostly a momma’s girl, due to the fact that most of your waking hours are spent with me, you love to play with daddy. On the day you were born, the doctors and nurses had you under a warming lamp and he just sat there and stared at you for so long. Eventually one of the nurses told him he could touch you and his response was “Oh, I wasn’t sure!” On the first night after you were born, he spent the majority of it jumping three hundred feet in the air every time you made a sound. Every morning when he leaves for work, you let out a shriek as though you are fairly certain that could have been the last time you were going to see him. Sometime when I look at you, I swear he is the one looking back at me, but he continues to maintain that you get your “cuteness” from me. He is everything I thought he would be in a dad- caring, unconditionally loving, hard working, fun, and usually the disciplinarian because if I tell you no, you just look at me and smile. From Daddy, it means business. You love to play with him, and you REALLY love to hang out in his office. For some reason, you have developed a silly obsession with a bottle of Cholua that he has at his office, and every time we are there, you grab for it first, and then proceed to take the National Geographics off the book shelf. A few weeks ago, we took you to a play area at the mall, and there were probably 80 parents all crowded around the outer area of it, and amongst the scads of people, you found him, your Daddy, and gave him the biggest grin I’d ever seen. Sometimes, when I leave the room and you start to wail, he tells you that he’s pretty sure I’m not running away with Kris Allen just yet. More often than not he says that Matt Nathanson could be your new daddy, and he laughed when I asked if we could offer you up to Super Bowl MVP (and Momma’s favorite football player) Drew Brees’ son. He sees you for what you are- your own, new, exciting, individual person, and he sees the potential you have in you. (I mean, come on, you are OUR kid) He and I make a great team together, your parents, and that’ what we are- a team. He loves our company on a trip to Buena Vista to get the snowmobile trailer, even if you do sleep for 3 hours, and I never stop talking. He was absolutely giddy when he went to Kaye’s last week and ordered you a grilled cheese and French fries. I don’t know how you feel yet, but I know that I breathe a little bit easier when he’s around- relief for the missing piece to my puzzle that has been found.
I love you Riley D. Almost as much as I love your Daddy. ;o)
Momma